Wednesday, January 5th, 2011.
Not a great start to a new year.
I’m devastated. I thought some miracle would save me from falling into this dungeon. I thought that miracle would be you. You are my miracle. The one who saved me from the brink of breaking down and giving up on life. You were like a peek of light on my darkest hour. Now, that light is gone.
I guess..this is the feeling of missing someone. I really do miss you. I miss talking to you, that always made me smile. I miss your arms around me. You gave me a source of comfort. I miss our kisses. The ones that gave off that soft, “I love you,” feeling. I might not get all of that back, but I just wish you knew I’m here for you, and that you would do the same for me.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. My brain controls my body, and it’s making me avoid you. I suppose that’s a smart decision, seeing as I don’t want to get hurt again. But my heart longs for you. It’s a vicious battle. I’m sort of hiding, but hoping that you’ll find me. It’s okay if you don’t..
Getting hurt. Yes, one of my biggest fears. It’s occurred over and over again. I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. The impact is just as great. I would risk this shot for you though. Go through some pain. Struggle through the thickest. As long as you’re mine, and I’m yours. Would you take that shot for me, too?
Yes. This means I will hurt you. I hope you keep in mind that I never mean to, though. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. Some worse than others. But it will never be my intent. I can promise you that.
I just wonder if you even care anymore. I wonder what goes on in that mind of yours.
